Before we dive right in, let’s define a few of my own terms that will pop up repeatedly throughout this website. Please note that I made up all of these monikers; if I am copying other people’s work, it is out of sheer ignorance on my part. If brought to my attention, I will give credit where due and make corrections.
Put some of this in other blog posts. Not here. Too wordy.
Jerks– self-explanatory. Simply put, these people are assholes. I don’t think I have ever worked with a person like this, but my internet research has shown me that many of us do encounter these jerks in the workplace and in their natural habitats.
My jerks with an upper case J- are a particular subspecies of asshats. These Jerks refer to the people who purposely show up to meetings, events, etc. late to piss people off, appear to be grandiose, and exert some twisted power over others. They frequently are at least thirty minutes late, don’t feel badly about their behavior, don’t apologize, and obviously don’t respect other people’s time. Like I said- assholes.
Jerks no doubt have issues that are outside the scope of this blog. Nothing I write about pertains to this subset of the chronically late. I absolutely do not defend this behavior nor try to explain it. Their issues are best addressed by licensed therapists.
Tryhards– this is the kinder, gentler subset of the chronically late. This is me. There are many of us out there, roaming the streets. We don’t want to be rude, we don’t consciously disrespect you or your time, we experience a near-constant feeling of shame and guilt, and we repetitively try various methods to arrive on time, to no avail. We try hard- we really do- hence the name.
We are the people who show up to meetings right at the expected time (never early) or perhaps three to ten minutes late. We are the coworkers who frequently mumble an excuse as to why we are a couple of minutes late- “Traffic was bad.” “I got stuck behind a slow driver.”. We are embarrassed by our behavior, and we apologize to all those present repeatedly.
If you are wondering why we don’t/can’t just leave a few minutes earlier (especially if we are truly trying), you have a legitimate question. I’ll address this elsewhere in the blog. LINK
If you feel that trying hard isn’t good enough and that this behavior still is disrespectful, even if unintentionally, you are right. Again, I am not making excuses for us chronically late types. LINK
Neurotyps– regular people who are neurotypical, meaning that they are wired typically. They do not suffer from EFD and do not have issues with being chronically late. This is not my original name. I just shortened it.
This blog is devoted to the Tryhards and to the Neurotyps who want an explanation as to why we can’t get our shit together.
In my eyes, Neurotyps (Typs for short) can be divided into two subgroups.
The first group, I call Emps. These people don’t understand us Tryhards, and they do get frustrated with us, but they are not super judgey and do try to exercise a bit of empathy toward us. Not to say that they excuse or like what we do, but they do try to empathize and, most importantly, look for other good qualities in us. In speaking for all of us Tryhards, thank you sincerely for living with us in spite of our faults.
Judgers, on the other hand, are my other subset of Neurotyps. Our chronic lateness, forgetfulness, etc. puts these people off, and they are visibly more intolerant about it. They are the people who could never live with us. They are justified in feeling frustrated by our behavior, and they certainly have a right to choose someone else as a roommate or spouse. Probably a good idea.
This subset tends to take our lateness personally. They tend to think that we are showing disrespect for them if we are late, and they also feel that if we cared enough and made something a priority that we wouldn’t be late. We obviously don’t care enough to be on time. This is logical and understandable, but not necessarily true. LINK HERE
One note on how Judgers try to offer advice- I think that Judgers don’t grasp that their snarky remarks don’t help. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I suspect that Judgers don’t realize that we Tryhards experience shame every time we pull in late to work, and they think that we would change our ways if we only realized what other people think of us.
Again, I’m not saying that Judgers are not justified or correct; I’m explaining that their suggestions don’t work in remediating our problems. We are fully aware of the problems we create and feel self-loathing about them. In other words, their solutions don’t fix our problems like they would fix theirs. We have tried repeatedly to correct our actions, but failed each time. Self. Loathing.
More on why their advice, such as “Just wake up ten minutes earlier!” works for them, but not for us, is addressed here.